Can I please pee alone?

Yes, it's something all of us mothers dream of, a small moment of peace and quiet where we can do our business, or heaven forbid enjoy a shower *gasp* ALONE!
You hear everywhere tales of helicopter moms, well I have helicopter kids.  Seriously the just hover at all times.  My Dancing Diva adores to hover 1/8 on an inch from my head and constantly kiss my ear.  WTF? Or yesterday when Mini Me cried for 20 minutes because she was so lonely sitting next to me and not in my lap.  Judging from the way my kids act you would think that I lock them in their rooms all day, never to be allowed human contact.  When it's quite the opposite, Mini Me and I have spend a whole Saturday morning (when the other kiddos are at their other parents houses) reading books, playing board games, making paper dolls, writing and illustrating stories, watching a little tv together and doing an art project.  Now this will take up the entire morning, then I will tell her ok it's time for me to get some things done; you know exciting stuff like laundry, sweeping the kitchen, or going in search of "that smell" which usually ends up being food someone has stashed in their room or under a couch cushion!  About 5 minutes into that she starts in with "You NEVER play with me!  I'm so lonely, I need someone to play with me!"  *sigh*  I do believe I have spoiled my children.  Or there is Dancing Divas favorite, she spends all weekend at her friends house then come Sun night right at bed time "Mama I miss you, I NEED to spend time with you!  I haven't seen you ALL weekend!!"  o.O  

Following my dreams...

A couple of months into dating my husband we decided we wanted to own a business together.  That was ages 8 years ago.  It has stayed a dream of ours, but we have never really been in the position of doing it.  But last September when I was hospitalized for a week with a second episode of blood clots (which sadly is very often fatal) I had an epiphany, the doctors were, again, telling me just how lucky I was to be alive, when it hit me.  Yes I was alive,  I have survived this twice!  I have to make the most of my life.  Do what makes me happy, do what is best for my family.  I am very happy and have many things to be thankful for.  My husband is my best friend who I love sharing everyday with, my children are the light of my life, my home is small but cozy, I have a wonderful supportive mother, and great friends.  I worked in a field I LOVE, though I lost my job due to the hospitalization.

Something was missing, and one day when I was lounging around while still on bed rest (which let me tell you is NO picnic!) It hit me!  This is the time to start our business! It's time to quit working for a big corporation that does not appreciate good employees, does not value creativity or any kind of free thinking, works you to the bone without so much as a thanks, and really doesn't care about their customers, only their customers money.  Sadly because of my extensive hospital stay and the subsequent $100,000 I owe them (yeah no insurance through work) I can not get a business loan.  I know we will be successful once we get started.  We have been so very successful working in the industry, between hubby and I we have over 12 years experience and last year alone our stores grossed OVER 2 million dollars.  Now I know we aren't going to make it that big as we are a small business not a big corporation.  We aren't looking to make millions, we just want to share our passion with our community and make enough money for a decent living.  To be able to pay our bills, buy the kids new clothes when they need them, and hopefully take that Disney Vacation we missed out on because I was sick!

I survied...again

September 29th I woke up at 2am with my chest hurting and trouble breathing.  Blasted stress!  It had been a tough two weeks, first working over 100 hours one week (20 hour days) and then a second week about 75 hours but with a chest cold ugh!  It took hours to fall back asleep, chest pain is normal for me when I am stressed.  Just before my 25th birthday I was diagnosed with a DVT (blood clots in my leg) that went from my groin to my ankle, as well as multiple PEs (blood clots in my lungs) in both lungs, so my lungs aren't the best.  Even 5 years after they still ache when I am overly stressed.  After a short bit of sleep my chest was still hurting, hmm must be my back from all of the heavy lifting I've been doing at work, so I called my mom and asked her to come over and see if she could help, she is a massage therapist.  So she worked on my back for a while but I still left no relief.  Ok time for the last resort, the doctors office.  ugh!  Since I had been dealing with a chest cold, I was afraid I had come down with pneumonia.  So off I went to Urgent Care, after a quick listen to my lungs, he asked if I had any previous lung issues, asthma or anything, I told him of my history of PEs.  He got a panicked look on his face, and said go straight to the ER, don't even bother checking out here, just GO!  So off to the ER I went, thinking "Oh crap!  I have pneumonia!"  So into the ER, I give them my medical history, ER nurse says I probably have bronchitis, but because of my history they run a CT scan.  I wait and wait, stuck in an ER room with NO TV!  My phone was dead and I didn't have a book with me.  So bored, not worried at all.  Then the nurse comes back in, WITH the doctor.  Oh Hell.  "So, it looks like you DO have PEs, multiple in both lungs."  Damn.  They have to admit me for treatment, I ask to borrow a phone to call my mom and husband to let them know whats up.  I wait 3 more hours until they have a room for me.  Up on the old folks floor with the heart attack and stroke victims.  I am told how lucky I am to be alive.  I am also told for the 538768469234755th time that I am TOO YOUNG for this to happen.  Yes I know.  So I spend a whole week in the hospital, hooked up to IV drips having vial after vial of blood taken every couple of hours.  I finally get to go home.  Then a few days later back in the ER for severe pain.  They can't find anything.  I am put on bed rest, and forced to quit my job.  More blood taken and more tests done.  Again they can not find any cause.  I have none of the risk factors, no genetic markers, no clotting disorders.  The cause remains unknown....So I am on thinners for life, $100,000 in the hole, jobless, but I am alive...